The Path to Acceptance
by ThatSlytherinGuy
Summary: Harry Potter, Christian good boy, is straight… right? There is no possible way that he could be… gay? When openly gay, bad boy Draco Malfoy, comes into his life Harry begins to question everything that he had been taught. Slash! Harry/Draco. Non!Magic. AU. Contains mentions and depictions self harm.
1. Chapter 1

**The Path to Acceptance**

_Summary: Harry Potter, Christian good boy, is straight… right? There is no possible way that he could be… gay? When openly gay, bad boy Draco Malfoy, comes into his life Harry begins to question everything that he had been taught._

_Pairing: Harry/Draco_

_Warning: Slash, Non Magic, AU, Self-harm_

_Rating: M_

_Authors Notes: This story in no way seeks to attack Christian's and/or their beliefs. This story is purely fictitious and the portrayal of Christianity within it is not a representation of the faith of a whole._

_This story was posted and on my old account and abandoned as I was not happy with the quality of the writing. I have started to rewrite the story and will continue with it on this account._

* * *

**Chapter One**

_The room around him was bathed in a warm, white light. There was nothing else in the room, no windows or doors for him to escape. Looking down he saw that he was completely naked. Harry Potter hated this place more than anything. He closed his eyes tight wishing that he could be anywhere but here. _

"_Hello again Harry" a voice behind him made him freeze in fear, it was the same voice that he always heard. A pair of arms wrapped themselves around Harry's slim waist, he could feel someone behind him push their body up against his. It was obvious that the person behind him was male and also naked. _

_Harry's breathing deepened, "Leave me alone" Harry said quietly, "Please, why won't you leave me alone". The person behind him gave a small chuckle sending a chill down Harry's spine. "Why are you laughing? What's so funny?" Harry asked, not moving, frozen by fear._

"_I think you know the reason" the voice said, "You still haven't accepted it". Harry could feel the person's breathe on his neck and he looked towards the ground out of embarrassment and nervousness. _

"_Accepted what?" asked Harry, although he already knew the answer. It was the same answer that he was given all the time, whenever he was here. It was the answer that he didn't want to hear. It was the answer that he wanted to ignore but it was the answer that always came back to haunt him, no matter how much he tried to stop it, no matter how much he wished it was not true._

_The voice gave another laugh and Harry could feel the arms unwrap from his waist and turn him around. What he was confronted with did not surprise him, at least not this time. Standing in front of him was himself. An exact copy of him only different in a way that Harry could not pinpoint. It was as he was happier for some reason. He seemed to hold himself differently that Harry did, he seemed confident. _

_Harry studied his copy for a silent few seconds. A half smile, half smirk was on the copy's face. What he said next was what Harry feared the most, more than anything else. It was the five words that Harry had heard almost every night for the past year and the five words that he never wanted to hear again. _

"_The fact that you're gay"_

* * *

Harry shot up from his position laying down in his bed. His heart was pounding in his chest and his breathing was deep, he was on the verge of having to gasp for breath. Hot tears were streaming down his face.

He scrunched up his face as tight as he could and shook his head violently. 'It was just a dream' he told himself over and over, 'it was just a dream'. Slowly opening his eyes he looked around his room which was almost in complete darkness.

The only light in the room came from around the edge of the door, where the light of the nearby bathroom managed to penetrate. The light had been left on by his parents for his younger brother who was scared of the dark.

Swinging his legs from the out of the covers he placed them firmly on the floor. Reaching over to his nightstand he picked up his glasses and placed them on his nose. His vision became clearer, although he could still not see much due to the darkness.

Standing up he made his way over to the door leading to the landing. Opening it quietly so as to not make much noise, he had to screw his eyes up as the light from the bathroom stung his eyes not use to the light after being in the darkness.

Walking towards the bathroom near the end of the hallway he looked in his brother's room as he passed. His brother, Joshua, was sound asleep in his bed. Harry smiled at the sight of his sleeping brother. He was quite close to his younger brother despite there being several years between them. Harry was sixteen while Joshua had just turned nine.

Entering the bathroom he closed to door silently behind him and approached the sink. He looked into the mirror directly in front of him and ran his hands through his messy black hair before rubbing his bright, although slightly tired looking, emerald green eyes.

Running the cold water, he took off his glasses and placed them on the side of the sink before cupping the cold running water in his hands and splashing it in his face. The coldness immediately woke him up completely. He was still shaking slightly and he scolded himself. "Calm down Harry, it was just a dream" he told himself looking into his reflections eyes.

Allowing himself several minutes to relax and calm down he looked at himself again in the mirror and nodded slightly, "It was just a dream" he told himself out loud, "It was just a dream" he repeated to himself again. "You're straight" he whispered to himself, "you like _girls_" he said putting extra emphasis on 'girls'.

Harry had been brought up with strong Christian beliefs that had been taught to him for as long as he could remember. One of the things that he had been taught from a young age was that being gay was a sin and that gay people go to hell.

His Grandfather was the minister of the church that he as his family attended so religion was always a large part of his life. Harry used to love it, he always used to look forward to Sunday and going to church. That had changed this last year and he was not as eager to go to a place where he would be hated for his sinful thoughts.

After a few moments of silence he picked his glasses up off the sink placed them back on his face and opened the door to the landing. Walking silently back across towards his room, he allowed himself to look into his brother room once again, checking that he had not been disturbed because of the lack of light from the bathroom due to the closed door before walking into his room and closing the door, plunging himself back into almost complete darkness.

Feeling his way back towards his bed he climbed back onto it and into the warmth of the covers. Taking off his glasses he placed them back in their place on the nightstand and pressed the large button on the top of his alarm clock. The time flashed up on the face of the digital clock for a few moments, 02:49.

Laying back down he rested his head on his pillow and allowed himself to slowly drift off back to sleep. He was silently hoping and praying that the dream that had plagued him every time he closed his eyes would not return again. He hoped that he would be able to sleep through until the morning when he had to get up for first day of school. He hoped that he would not have to deal with what his dream kept on telling him and what he knew in his heart to be the truth.

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_Authors Notes: I hope you enjoy the first chapter, if you did please leave a comment. If you didn't, leave a comment as well, I am open to receiving constructive criticism. This is more of an introductory chapter than anything else. The story will properly begin in the next chapter when Harry meets Draco for what may not be the first time. Lily and James will also be making an appearance too. They will be alive and will play a large part later on in the story, as will Harry's Grandfather._


	2. Chapter 2

**The Path to Acceptance**

_Summary: Harry Potter, Christian good boy, is straight… right? There is no possible way that he could be… gay? When openly gay, bad boy Draco Malfoy, comes into his life Harry begins to question everything that he had been taught._

_Pairing: Harry/Draco_

_Warning: Slash, Non Magic, AU, Self-harm_

* * *

**Chapter Two**

The sound of his alarm click going off awoke Harry from his sleep, the dream had, fortunately, not returned to haunt him again that night so he had managed to sleep right through until morning.

Allowing his eye to open although he did not move, instead he stared at the ceiling for a few moments, allowing to lose himself in his thoughts. Moving his head to the side he looked at the time on his alarm clock, it was 7:30am. He still had enough time to get ready for school which began at 9am.

With a small sigh Harry sat up in his bed and looked around his room again. Sunlight had managed to leak its way into the room through the curtains leaving his room bathed in a soft warm glow. His room was the smallest in the three bedroom house. He had allowed his brother to have the larger room, while his parents had the master bedroom.

The room was neatly decorated in red and gold, Harry's favourite colours. In the corner of the room, opposite his bed was a wooden desk with a computer on it along with various pieces of work and research that he had used for his summer homework, he had been studying ready for his AS levels. In the other corner of the room was a chest of draws and a large wardrobe.

Grabbing his glasses off of his nightstand he placed them on his nose before sliding out of his bed he stood up and stretched for a seconds before he walked over to the door and opened it. He could hear his brother and parents downstairs having breakfast talking to each other, they were always up before he was, he was not a morning person.

He quickly made his way across the hallway and into the bathroom closing the door shut behind him and sliding the lock across, locking it. He stripped himself of the t-shirt and boxers that he made to bed and placed them in the washing basket.

Turning he pulled the piece of string that turned on the shower and waited a few moments until the water had warmed up, placing his glasses on the window sill of the bathroom, before he stepped in and allowing the warm water to run over his body. His thoughts drifted back to the dream but he quickly tried to shake them away as he tried to forget about it as much as possible.

He quickly washed his body and hair before turning the shower off and stepping out. Picking a towel up off of the towel rack he dried his body before wrapping the towel around of his waist, unlocking the door and making his way across the hallway and back to his room.

When he entered his room he closed the door behind him and walked over to the wardrobe. Searching through the many clothes that were hanging from the rails he found what he was looking for, his school uniform. He took it off of the rail and held it in front of him with a small smile.

The uniform was different from the uniform that he had worn for the past several years. He was now in the sixth form of the school and his uniform was now all black with a red tie, as opposed to the green jumpers and black trousers.

The blazer of the uniform had the schools crest, a large 'H' surrounded by a snake, lion, eagle and badger, stitched onto the left breast. While the red tie had also had a large 'H' embossed on it. Harry quickly dried his hair before getting dressed in his uniform and looking at himself in the large mirror that was on the inside of the wardrobe door.

He smiled at himself as he straightened his tie and tried to tame his wild black hair. He silently hoped that he would be able to at least make it presentable today, but once again he failed, although he did try for several minutes. He decided to leave it for today and try again tomorrow, it didn't actually bother him that much, he had become use to it over the years.

He had spent the rest of the morning with his parents and younger brother as they talked together and Harry eat his breakfast. His mother was looking at him with a smile, "You look so handsome in that uniform Harry" she said as she tried to tame Harry's hair herself, "It's such a shame you don't have a girlfriend yet, any girl would be lucky to have you" she smiled.

Harry hated it when his parents talked about him having a girlfriend. They had planned his entire life out form him since he had been born. He was to finish school with good grades so he could go to university and eventually have a good job so that he would be able to support his future wife and children in the same way that his father had.

His father was in higher management for a large company in London and while the money that he earned was good, they lived modestly only buying what they needed. The rest of the money was either saved for Harry and his brother's education or donated to the church or charity.

"Of course he's handsome" said his father with a smile, "I mean, we all know where he got it from" he said with a grin, his mother gave a small laugh and kissed her husband.

"I know you are love" she smiled as she began to clear the table of the dirty dished and bowls. Harry thanked his mother and walked upstairs to brush his teeth. His brother followed quickly behind him as he normally did. Harry gave a small smile as he looked down at his brother next to him as they brushed their teeth.

"So are you looking forward to school Josh?" he asked his brother before spitting the toothpaste that had gathered in his mouth in the sink.

His brother nodded eagerly, "Yeah, I can't wait" he grinned, "I'm in year 6 now Harry!". Harry smiled at this, his brother would be moving up to his school now next year when Harry was in his last year.

"Well, I'm sure you will love it Josh, Year 6 was my favourite year" he smiled, "and you'll be in big school next year as well".

"I know, I can't wait to be in the same school as you Harry" he brother grinned before spitting in the sink and placing his toothbrush back in the holder before running back down stairs. Harry shook his head as he placed his toothbrush back in the holder and made his way downstairs behind his brother.

"I'll see you later" he said to his parents as he picked up his bag off of the kitchen counter and slung it over his shoulder as he made his way to the front door.

"Have a good day honey! Love you." His mother said with a smile as she gave him a small wave.

Harry smiled and opened the door before stepping outside into the warm September morning air. He began the short walk to school, it didn't usually take him that long. The school was just under a mile away and it would take him around ten minutes to walk.

Harry was looking forward to his first day of sixth form, he had along with many of the other people in his year had elected to stay in school and not finish at 16 as several people had done.

Walking through on of the more well off areas of the town of Hogsmead Harry spotted Draco Malfoy walking out the largest house. It was larger than any of the other houses in the area, and that was saying something as the other houses were several times larger than his own.

Draco was the schools 'bad boy' and he did not understand how he had managed to get the grades to stay on as he never put any effort in class. Harry scowled when he notice the cigarette hanging from his mouth, he hated smoking.

Harry would not admit it publically but he had a crush on Draco. He hated himself for it but couldn't help it. Draco was tall, with short bleach blond hair styled into spikes and his eyes were a beautiful shade of grey. His body was also something many of the other males would envy. Large muscles covered his body and could be seen through his clothes.

It was no secret that Draco was gay, he did not try to hide it. Over the last year he had had several different boyfriends, but they were not in a relationship for that long. There were also many rumours that Draco had several one-night-stands.

Harry watched as he walked down the street as Draco got into a rather expensive Aston Martin, making Harry give a small laugh in disbelief, the school was only around down the road. After a few moments the car roared past him at a speed that was obviously over the speed limit of 30mph in the area.

Several minutes later Harry found himself standing outside of the school, Hogwarts High School. The school, from the outside, looked like a large castle with towers reaching up into the sky. However on the inside in was more modern and up to date.

Walking up the small set of steps that lead to the entrance of the school he entered the foyer which was set over two levels. Large windows let in light and there were portraits scattered over the walls, most of them were of past headmasters of the school.

He made his way quickly through the packed foyer and towards the hallway where the sixth form induction meeting would be held.

"Harry!" came a voice from behind him causing him to stop and turn around. He smiled when he saw that it source of the voice was his best friend Hermione Granger. She quickly pushed her way through the crowd towards Harry before quickly pulling him into a hug.

Hermione had been his best friend since the two of them were in primary school. The two of them had been through many things together and both supported each other with everything.

"How was your summer?" Hermione asked Harry as the two of them began walking towards the hall.

"Yeah, it was good" Harry said with a smile, "I went to Ghana with my church to help build a school, it was amazing Hermione".

Hermione smiled, "That sounds amazing Harry". Harry knew that Hermione was not a Christian, but that didn't make a difference to him. She had been raised without a religion and called herself an agnostic as she said that she 'didn't know if god existed or not'.

"What about you?" Harry asked, "Did you do anything fun?"

"I went to France with my parents" she said, "The Eiffel tower, arch de triumph. You know the usual tourist things" she said with a shrug as they entered the hallway, which already held several of their classmates.

The two of them talked for several minutes while they waited for everyone else to come into the hall. Mrs McGonagall, the deputy headmistress, was stood at the front of the hall waiting for everyone to come in and settle down.

After several more minutes the doors the hall close and everyone fell silent when she began to talk. They had all learnt that they should not talk when she was talking. "Welcome to your first year of sixth form at Hogwarts" she said with a smile, "it is pleasure to see so many of you back to continue your education".

"We have some activities today to try and help you all bond as a group" she said, "It is important that you make connections with other people outside of your normal social group, so today you will spend it with another person who you would not normally spend time with" she said.

"Now, I have notice over the many years you have been at this school, who you interact with and who you do not and have put you into pairs" she smiled as everyone began to look around, wondering who they would be paired with.

"The pairs are as follows" she said as she looked up at the paper that she held in here hands and began to read out a list of names. Harry listened, waiting to hear his name being called out, he wondered who he would be paired with.

"Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter"

Harry's heart dropped and his mouth became dry. Why did it have to be him? It could have been anyone else, anyone but Draco. He looked around the room to try and find Draco, finding him sat on the other side of the room looking at Harry with a smirk.

When McGonagall had finished reading the list she told them to get into their pairs quickly before she told them what their task for the day would be. Harry gave a small smile at Harry to Hermione before making his way over to Draco, who showed no intention to come to him.

"Hey" Harry said as he approached Draco and sat down next to him and tried to avoid letting his eyes roam over Draco's body although he wasn't doing a good job at doing so.

Draco smirked at Harry, "Enjoying the view" he asked cockily with a raised eyebrow causing Harry to quickly shift the direction of his eyes away from Draco and shake his head silently, Harry could feel his face reddening with embarrassment out of being caught.

"I didn't know you were gay Potter" Draco said as he leant back in his chair.

"I'm not!" Harry said, almost too quickly causing Draco to give a small laugh.

"Whatever Potter" he said shaking his head, a smile on his face.

Harry was going to reply to him but he did not have a chance as McGonagall began speaking again. "Now, I would bet that you are all wondering what they task you will be set is" she said as she looked over all the hall looking at everyone. "You are to learn about each other and then, at the end of the day you will be asked various questions about each other to gauge what you have learned about each other" she said, "Now remember, this is a way to help you learn how to make social contacts in the future. It will help you develop a skill that will help you in the future. Now, you can do whatever you wish for today as long as you do not leave the school grounds. Good Luck" she said with a smile before she walked out of the room leaving them all in the hall by themselves.

The hall was soon consumed in chatter as people began to talk to each other. Harry turned to Draco to see that he had stood up. "Come on then Potter, I need a fag we can talk outside" he said as he made his way out of the hall.

Harry frowned but followed behind him quickly. The two of them walked down the hallway in silence before opening the door leading out onto the school field. Walking across the field and to behind the large storage shed where the smokers like to hang out together and smoke.

Harry wrinkled his nose as he smelt the area, the smell of smoke was on everything around him. Draco reached into his pocket and took out a packet of cigarettes and took one of them out putting it in his mouth and holding it between his lips. He looked at Harry before holding the packet out to him, "You want one?" he asked.

Harry shook his head, "I don't smoke" he said with a frown, causing Draco to shrug and pull out a lighter before he lit the cigarette and inhaled deeply before breathing out smoke.

They stood silently for a few moments before Harry broke the silence, "So how long have you smoked?" he asked curiously.

Draco took another drag of his cigarette before answering. "Three years, since I was thirteen" he said with a shrug, "thought it would make me cool" he muttered as he took another drag. Harry nodded silently, he let his eyes glance over Draco's body again taking in the curves and bulges that his large muscles made.

"Checking me out again?" Draco asked with a smirked and a small laugh. He flexed his arm, making his already large arm muscles grow larger, "If you want to see my muscles all you had to do was ask".

Harry frowned and looked away, however reluctantly. "I'm not gay" he said as he leant against the shed, his eyes flicked to Draco for a few moments before looking away.

Draco smirked and shook his head and took yet another drag, "Whatever you say Potter". He flicked the finished cigarette on the ground and turned to walk back to the school. He took a step closer to him, making Harry even more nervous. Harry pressed himself up against the shed and swallowed nervously.

Draco moved even closer, they were not only inches apart. Draco was almost a head taller than Harry who was trying to avoid Draco's eyes as he went red with embarrassment. "Although, if I must say, it's pretty obvious" he said as Harry looked up, meeting Draco's eyes for the first time.

Harry bit his lip nervously as he looked up at Draco. His eyes opened wide as he saw Draco lean in close, he was going to kiss him. Harry's heart was pounding in his chest as Draco's lips were centimetres away from his.

Harry's mind snapped into reality and realised what was about to happen. He quickly pushed his way away from Draco and looked at him with a frown. He didn't know what to do, his mind was racing. He was about to kiss a boy! That was wrong! He quickly turned and run back to the school, tears began to form in his face. He could not give into his unnatural urges, he just couldn't.

* * *

_Authors Note: So there we go, second chapter is up and Harry and Draco have met and almost very nearly kissed. Harry doesn't seem to like this and if you read the story on my old account you may know what will happen next, although this chapter is now very different from what it was before._

_There is a whole plot coming up which will deal with Harry's denial, as well as some other issues that he has. The plot involving his Grandfather is one that I am looking forward to writing and I have started putting some research into._


	3. Chapter 3

**The Path to Acceptance**

_Summary: Harry Potter, Christian good boy, is straight… right? There is no possible way that he could be… gay? When openly gay, bad boy Draco Malfoy, comes into his life Harry begins to question everything that he had been taught._

_Pairing: Harry/Draco_

_Warning: Slash, Non Magic, AU, Self-harm_

_**EXTRA WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF-HARM, IF YOU ARE IN ANYWAY SENSITIVE TO THIS ISSUE OF FEEL IT MAY 'TRIGGER YOU' PLEASE DO NOT READ.**_

**Chapter Three**

Harry ran through the school as fast as he could to get back to the hall where he had left his bag. He couldn't think properly all he knew was that he needed to get to his bag. As he approached the hall he tried to act as calm as possible in order to not raise any suspicions among the other students that were in the hall.

Opening the door to the hall he quickly walked over to where he and Draco had been sitting and picked his bag up off of the floor before he made his way towards the exit. Hermione looked at him with a slight frown when she spotted him.

"Harry?" she asked with a frown as she excused herself from her partner, Blaise Zabini. She quickly followed him calling his name, but he ignored her and continued to make his way to his destination, the boy's toilets.

Harry entered the toilets and make his way to the stall at the end of the room. He quickly entered the stall, closing the door behind him and locked it before letting out a small sob. His mind kept on going back to the moment just minutes ago. He actually wanted to kiss Draco, he wanted to kiss another boy.

He let out another sob as he placed his back on the toilet seat and began to search through it looking for something. He had to do something to get rid of these gay thoughts that were plaguing him. Nothing he had done so far had worked, no matter how hard he tried he could not get rid of his feeling of attraction to men.

When Harry had found what he was looking for he took it out of his bag. He bit his lip nervously as he looked at the item in his hand, it was a math compass. He gave out another sob as he rolled up the sleeve of his blazer revealing his bare arm that was covered in may scars that zigzagged across his skin.

He place the point of the compass on to his skin and paused for a moment, he would do anything at this moment to get over the pain that his thoughts were causing him. Closing his eyes tight and clenching his draw he dragged the point across his skin tearing it open and releasing a sticky red fluid that began to roll down his arm.

Tears began to roll down his cheeks and he let out a loud sob. He moved the point to another position and tore across his skin again. He looked at his arm and the two open wounds that he had just made on it. He sobbed again as he placed the point of the compass on his skin again.

"Harry?"

The shock of hearing someone call his name made him drop the compass. It hit the ground with a let out a small clang. He could hear footsteps getting closer to the stall. "I'll be out in a minute" he said trying to sound as calm as he could.

"Listen" said the voice Harry now recognised as Draco, "I'm sorry about what happened, I know what it's like to be in your position".

Harry looked down at his arm and frowned, he remained silent as he studied the two large cuts on his arm. The blood was coming out quite fast and it began to drip of the floor. "You don't know anything about me" Harry said, "I'm not like you, I can't be like you" he said with a frown, "I can't".

He heard Draco sigh and silence fell between them. The silence only lasted a few moments though. "Is that.. is that blood?!" Draco asked shocked causing Harry to look down at the floor to see that the blood from his arm had begun to go under the gap between the door and the floor. "God Harry! What have you done in there?" Draco asked as he tried to open the door to the stall.

"Nothing!" Harry said as he began to unroll the toilet paper and press it against his arm in an attempt to stop the bleeding. It didn't help that much, the blood was pouring out just as fast as it was before. "I'm fine, I just accidentally cut myself" Harry lied.

Draco tried to open the door again, "Come on Harry, you don't really think I believe that?" he asked. "I know what you've done" he said before pausing for a moment, "I did it too, I know what you're going though, I can help".

"I don't need help" Harry said angrily, "I told you I am not like you!" he said as he continued to try and stop his bleeding, tears were beginning to fall down his face again. "I will not be like you. I am not gay" he said loud sob before he feel to his knees.

"Harry, open the door now" Draco said as he pounded on the door, "Or I'll have to break it open".

"No" Harry said with a sob, "Please don't, I'm fine". Draco did not listen and he began to try and break the door open to gain access, ignoring Harry's protests. It only took several attempts before the door flung open revealing a now blood soaked Harry knelt down in a pool of his own blood.

"Fuck!" Draco yelled in shock, "What have you done Harry?" he asked as he picked Harry up off of the floor. "We need to get you help Harry" he said as he began to drag Harry unwillingly out of the toilets and toward the nurses office.

"I don't need help" Harry said as they walked down the hallway, struggling to get out of Draco's strong grip, "I'm fine, it's just a cut".

Draco frowned, "Yeah, I cut that you made to yourself, you need help Harry, you need to talk to someone" he said as they approached the nurses office. Draco was just grateful that they did not run into any other student or teachers on their way here.

Knocking on the door he struggled to keep a hold of Harry before the nurse opened the door and her face dropped in shock and horror. "What on earth has happened to you" she stuttered as she ushered them in.

"Accident" Harry mumbled, looking at the ground, as he gave a small shrug and tugged his sleeve down trying to hide the cuts, he wanted to ignore them, he didn't want to be the focus of anyone's attention.

"He's lying Nurse Pomfrey" he looked at Harry for a moment who continued to look at the ground, "I think Harry's been self-harming" he paused for a moment, "I think he might have been for a while".

Harry remained silent as the nurse looked at him and shook his head and moved towards Harry. "If you would just let me take a look at your arm Harry" she asked as she carefully took his hand in hers.

Harry remained silent and continued to look at the ground but gave a small nod to which the nurse smiled as she raised his arm and carefully rolled the sleeve up. The bleeding had eased but had not stopped, scars covered the rest of his arm to which the nurse shook her head as she began to try and stop the bleeding.

"Why did you do this Harry?" she asked as she led him over to a seat and sat him down.

Harry just remained silent. Draco wanted to say something, to explain to the nurse what had happened, but he knew that it was only Harry who could say.

"There are other way Harry, you don't need to hurt yourself" she said as she continued tending to his arm. "You can always come to me if you need help" she said, pausing for a moment, "but I am afraid that I must tell your parents about this".

"You can't" Harry yelled angrily looking up for the first time, "They can't know about this".

"I'm afraid that I have no choice Harry" she said sadly, "I'm going to refer you to a counsellor who deals with people in your position".

"What do you mean by that?" Harry asked panicked.

"People who…" she paused for a moment, trying to figure out the right words, "Hurt themselves".

"It helps a lot to talk to someone Harry" Draco added, "It's for the best".

Harry looked up at Draco and frowned, "I don't need your help" he said through gritted teeth, "Thanks for taking me here. You can go now" he said as he turned back to the nurse.

Draco frowned but gave a nod, "Ok, see you later Harry" he said before exiting the room, leaving him and the nurse in silence.

"You shouldn't be so hard on him" she said as she the bleeding stopped and she began to wrap a bandage around his arm. "I dread to think what would have happened if he didn't take you here". He finished wrapping the bandage tightly around his arm and tried to meet Harry's eyes, although he wouldn't let her.

"I'm going to send you home now Harry" she said, "and I recommend you go to A&E to get it properly looked at by a doctor" she said. "I'll give your parents the information on the counsellor when they come to pick you up".

She patted Harry on the knee before she stood up and walked over to her desk and brought up Harry's record on her computer and phoned the number on the screen.

Harry remained silent while the nurse talked to his mother, he looked down at his bandaged arm and ran his fingers along it. He hated himself for cutting himself but the scars that he saw on his arm were a constant reminder that he was not like everyone else, that he was not 'normal'.

While Harry waited for his mother to collect him the nurse inspected his clothes, which were covered in dried blood. "I think I may have some clothes that you could wear for the time being" she said as she walked over to one of the many cupboards.

Searching through them for a few minutes she took out a pair of battered jeans and a long sleeved blue t-shirt. "I believe these should be your size" she said as she placed them on the medical bed. "You can get changed her" she said as she pulled the screen across. Harry nodded silently and walked over behind the screen and began to get changed.

It didn't take long and his mother was soon in the nurse's office fussing over him, asking him how he could even think of hurting himself and what he thought he was doing. Harry remained silent, not wanting to talk about his near kiss with Draco again, even though he was replaying it in his head over and over.

Nurse Pomfrey explained what had happened, as far as she knew, and what she had done, before explaining that she recommended a visit to the hospital and gave her a number for a counsellor she recommended for Harry.

He soon found himself in his mother car on his way to the hospital, his mother still asking him questions which he did not want to answer. "Well, hopefully this counsellor will be able to talk some sense into you so you'll never do this again" she huffed, "Just wait till your father hears about this, no wonder you have been hiding your arms" she said shaking her head, "he said when you were in Ghana that you wore long sleeves even when it was close to 40 degrees".

Harry remained silent and tried to block out his mother. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want help and he most certainly did not need to talk to anyone about his problems. No one needed to know and he prayed to God that Draco would not tell anyone about what had happened.

_Authors Notes: The 40 degrees in obviously in Celsius, for those of you that use Fahrenheit its 104 degrees. _

_So that is my third chapter, this story is already much different than what it was before and in my opinion it is better. It has taken a much different direction. _

_I had to research about self-harm for this chapter to find out some information and have tried to portray it as accurately as possible, if I have not sorry (I did try). _

_Also, I hope the warning at the beginning did not spoil the chapter for you that much. I just felt that I had to put it there as if I triggered someone who self-harmed I would not forgive myself. If they read it and were triggered I can rest easy I warned them and they continued reading._


	4. Chapter 4

**Path to Acceptance**

_Summary: Harry Potter, Christian good boy, is straight… right? There is no possible way that he could be… gay? When openly gay, bad boy Draco Malfoy, comes into his life Harry begins to question everything that he had been taught._

_Pairing: Harry/Draco_

_Warning: Slash, Non Magic, AU, Self-harm_

* * *

**Chapter Four**

_Harry had found himself in the same white room again. He closed his eyes, wishing to be somewhere, anywhere else but here. The room around him was in complete silence until a voice broke through the room._

"_Hello Harry" a voice behind him whispered in his ear sending shivers down his spine. Harry tensed up, it was not the same voice that it normally was, it was different and yet somehow familiar. _

_Harry swallowed nervously and began to shake slightly, "Leave me alone" he muttered, "Please just leave me alone" he begged._

"_I can't do that Harry" the voice said as Harry could feel the owners fingers running along up and down his neck. "I will never leave until you accept it". Harry shifted awkwardly and resisted the urge to turn around and see who the owner of the voice was. He did not want to know what kind of trick his mind was pulling on his tonight._

_He fought the urge to turn around for as long as he could before finally snapping and turning around quickly, his eyes opened in shock when he saw who the owner of the voice was._

"_No." Harry muttered shaking his head angrily, "You! Cannot be her!" he yelled angrily as he met eyes with Draco Malfoy who gave a small chuckle and stepped forward making Harry take a step backward trying to stay as far away as he could._

_This continued for several minutes, every time Draco took a step forward Harry took a step back, until Harry felt something solid behind him making his heart drop, it was a wall._

_With a small chuckle Draco leant forward so that their faces were only inches apart. "You can't escape your desires Harry" Draco said with a smile as he shook his head, "Your desires will always win in the end"._

_Harry frowned and met Draco's eyes "Not if I don't let them" he said. "I can beat them, I can become…" he stopped, hesitating for a moment, "I can become straight". Harry looked down at the floor for a moment before looking back up at Draco. "I am nothing like you" he muttered, "I am not. Cannot. Be proud to be gay!" he said looking Draco in the eyes._

_Draco met his eyes and gave a small smile, "If you ever want to be happy, you'll need to accept it sooner or later" he said with a small laugh as he looked over his shoulder, "Isn't that right babe?" he smiled. _

_Appearing from behind Draco was himself a large smile and he face as he wrapped his arm around Draco's waist. "You need to accept it" he said with a smiled, "Accept it so you can get on with your life". Harry shook his head as he looked at the other him. The other him gave a small laugh, "Don't you want to be happy Harry?"._

"_I'm fine!" Harry yelled, tears beginning to fall down his face, "I don't need to accept it. I can make myself straight, I'm just… sick!" Harry said closing his eyes tight wishing that he was anywhere but here. "God does not want me to be gay" he yelled angrily, "Its wrong!"._

"_Harry?" came another voice, opening his eyes he saw that both Draco and the other him were talking in the same voice at the same time. "Harry, it's time to get up. Your appointment is in an hour", Harry recognised the voice as his mothers. "Harry! Get up!" the voices yelled and with that he was quickly pulled away from Draco and the other him as his eyes shot open._

"Harry, for heaven's sake wake up!" said his mother again causing Harry's eyes to shoot open and for him to let out a small yell before quickly sit up in his bed causing his mother to look at him with concern as she sat on the end of his bed watching him.

She looked at him with a hint of sadness before pulling him into a comforting hug. "It was just a dream hunny" she whispered softly, "It wasn't real". Harry nodded silently wishing that it was just a dream and that he had nothing to worry about.

He looked at his mother for a moment. Her long red hair came to just below her shoulders and her emerald green eyes shone bright, the same eyes that he had inherited from her. He gave her a small smile, "I know" he muttered as he looked down, "It just seemed so real".

She reached other and smoothed his hair, playing with it for a few moments. "Well, everything's ok now" she said as she leant towards him and kissed him on the forehead. "Now get ready, we have to leave for your appointment soon" she said with a smile as she stood up and walked out of his room, leaving him alone.

Harry gave a small smile as his mother left before looking down at arm. Almost a week had passed since the incident and his mother had not allowed him back to school. She insisted that he start his counselling sessions first. The cuts on his arm had healed leaving behind two nasty looking scars that stood out against the many other older ones.

Harry had cut himself several times since then, although he tried to hide it more as his mother took to looking at his arms whenever she could. He had cut himself in places that he could easily hide from others such as his legs and chest. He knew that he shouldn't but it helped with the pain of dealing with his problems.

Harry's grandfather, who was also the pastor of the church that they attended, had not been happy when he had found out that Harry had been cutting himself. He had pulled Harry aside when he saw him a few days ago and told him that what he was doing was wrong and that he needed to ask Jesus for forgiveness and that if he did he would receive "better help than any counselling will give you" and so he had come over to his house every evening and they began pray sessions to ask for forgiveness.

With a small sigh Harry began to get ready for the day, having a quick shower before drying and getting changed into a purple hoodie and a pair of jeans. He looked at himself in the mirror and tried to give a small smile to his reflection. "You can beat this" he muttered, "Don't let it take you over".

Making his way downstairs he saw that his mother was in the kitchen alone. His father had already left for work and dropped his younger brother off on the way. As he entered the kitchen she smiled at him, "Do you want anything to eat love?" she asked looking at him.

Harry shook his head, "No thanks Mum, I'm not really that hungry to be honest" he said, he was nervous about what would happen in today's session with the counsellor. Would she somehow be able to tell the reasons why he did what he did?

"Ok" she said looking at the clock on the wall of the kitchen, "We better be going anyway" she said as she walked over to the counter and picked up her bag. "Come on" she said as she ushered him out of the door and into her car.

Harry remained silent for the majority of the journey, only talking when his mum had asked him a question and even then it was only out of politeness. They pulled up in front of a small building with a small sign above the door saying 'Dr Walter's Adolescent Counselling Centre'.

Harry gave a small scowl and turned to his mother. "Do I really have to have these sessions?" he asked, "I'm fine, I don't need to talk to anyone".

His mother gave a small sigh, "We've been over this Harry, you need to talk to someone to get your feelings out and if you don't want to talk to your father or I then this is the only option we have" she said looking at him sadly, "We just don't want you hurting yourself again Harry".

Harry remained silent for a moment as he looked away from his mother and towards the building. "Ok, fine" he said as he opened the door, "I'll talk to a counsellor" he muttered as he climbed out of the car and closed the door behind him before walking towards the door to the centre, his mother closely following behind him.

Entering the building Harry immediately found himself in a rather small and cramped reception. Behind the desk immediately in front of him sat an older woman with slightly greying brown hair. She watched the two of them enter with a smile. "Ah, you must be Mr Potter" she said as she ushered them to come closer.

Harry nodded and was about to speak before his mother cut him off. "He's here for his appointment with Dr Walters" she said placing her hands on his shoulders. The receptionist nodded with a smile and began to type on her computer for a few moments.

"If you would like to take a seat, I will call you when she is ready to see you" the receptionist smiled, gesturing for them to take a seat on a rather old looking soft at the side of the room.

His mother took his arm and led him over to the sofa and the two of the sat in silence for several minutes. Harry had picked up a magazine, noticing that it was several months out of date and began to skim silently. His mother did the same as they waited to be called by the doctor.

It was another ten minutes before he was finally called into the office. His mother gave him a small hug and wished him good luck, which he thanked her for. "I'll be praying for you" she whispered to him with a smile, with Harry forced himself to return.

Standing up Harry walked towards the door to the left of the receptionist's desk. The room was larger than the reception and was decorated with many plants all around the room. A large soft was and a chair were sat in the middle of the room.

A brown haired woman, who Harry assumed was Dr Walters was sat behind a desk in the corner stood up as he entered and walked towards him. She was just slightly shorter than Harry and looked to be in her late twenties. "You must me Harry" she smiled, "How are you feeling today?" she asked as she walked over towards the sofa and chair and gestured for him to sit on the sofa while she took a seat on the chair.

"I'm Ok I guess" Harry muttered as he sat down, "I don't even know why I'm here, there's not really much to say" he said with a small shrug. He knew that that was a lie, he knew that he had a problem he just couldn't deal with it.

"Now Harry" the doctor said, "I believe you have been referred to me because you hurt yourself, is that correct?" she said looking at him. Harry nodded silently and instinctively rubbed his arm.

"Ok, so what I am going to do is try and figure out why you feel the need to do this, do you understand Harry?" she asked. Harry just nodded silently again. "Now, I want you to know that whatever you say in this room, will stay in this room" she said, this caused Harry to relax a little. "Now let me first start by asking you about your family life" she said, "Are both your parents together?" she asked.

"Of course" Harry said with a frown, why would they not be married, they loved each other enough to have children. They made a commitment to be together forever when they married.

"Ok" she said, "and what about your school life? Is everything ok there?" she asked as she began writing in her note pad.

Harry shrugged, "I guess, I've just started sixth form the other day" he muttered, "But I haven't been back since I cut myself".

"And what do you think made you do that Harry?" she asked, "What happened before?".

Harry immedietly tensed up as memories of his encounter with Draco played in his head. "Nothing" he muttered shaking his head, "just some stupid team building activity" he said, "Nothing bad if that's what you're thinking".

Dr Walters nodded, "This is very personal now Harry, but do you have a girlfriend?" she asked, "or a boyfriend?" she added. "Many people self-harm because of problems in their relationships".

Harry shook his head, "I've never had a girlfriend" he said, "But I am straight" he added with an awkward laugh, "There no way I'm gay" he said as he continued laughing awkwardly before he quickly shut his mouth.

Dr Walters nodded and began writing down something quickly before looking up at Harry again. "Are you..." she paused for a short moment, as if trying to choose her words correctly, "Are you questioning your sexuality Harry, it's ok if you are, it's totally normal for people your age" she said, "Remember, nothing will leave this room".

Harry thought for a few moments before nodding silently.

"And how long have you been questioning Harry?" she asked.

Harry shrugged, "A few years" he mumbled, "I found I wasn't attracted to girls like other boys were" he said. "I think I've know I was gay for a while" he said as tears formed in his eyes. "You can help me right?" he asked looking into her eyes, "You can cure me! Make me normal? Make me straight?".

She shook her head, "I'm sorry Harry" she said, "I can't do that, but there is nothing wrong with you" she said as she reached over and took his hands in hers. "Being gay is not a choice, it is normal and conversion therapy doesn't work, not to mention it is unethical, no real doctor would do it".

Harry sobbed, "I can fight it though" he said, "I don't have to give in to the feelings, I can force myself to be straight. I CAN!" he yelled angrily as he yanked his hands out of hers. "And if you won't help me, I know God will!" he said, "He doesn't want me to be gay".

"Harry please, calm down" Dr Walters urged, "I'm sorry, but no amount of praying will help" she said, "but if you don't want to be gay you can be abstinent" she said. "It's a shock to most people to find out they do not fit societies norms, but the majority do accept it after a while".

"Well I won't!" Harry said, "I never will" he said angrily.

"You need to talk about this Harry" Dr Walters said, "If you don't you're at high risk of hurting yourself again" she reached out and took Harrys hand, "I'm here for you Harry".

Harry met her eyes before bursting into tears, "I don't want to be gay" he sobbed, "Please help me".

"Its ok Harry, I'll help you, don't you worry" Dr Walters muttered.

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_Authors note: So here is the next chapter. It took longer than expected, mainly due to college work that had to be done, but now I am on my holidays I can __try__ and get a chapter done each week._

_Next chapter will feature Draco again and…. Mr Malfoy._


End file.
